Mother's Day

It's been a pretty amazing couple of months.  Sabine is doing so well.  It's still hard to imagine that we have a beautiful, healthy little girl.  She cries and fusses a lot but we love her still.  Her voice is so much louder than Gianluca's ever was.  His cry is still very horse and choked up.  She just cries with a harsh, high pitch that stings you when you are awakened at 3am.  Sabine has a very distinct attitude.  You know when she just is whining for the sake of wanting to nurse on her clock or just snuggle her.  Then she has the cries of tummy aches that are just shreaks of pain.  Gianluca never had those distinct differences.  Now, at 3 years old, he has a very forced, fake cry that is very recognizable.  Makes me giggle a little when he does that but I have to hold it in and stay stern with parent face.  Yes, Gianluca has temper tantrums somewhat and does get time outs. Hard to believe, I know.  

So, yes, Gianluca turned 3 on March 5th.  His birthday was celebrated with his first visit to public school.  Now that he's 3 we are able to get speech therapy from the school system.  It was an enjoyable visit for Gianluca.  A little scary for us.  As he freely walked up the stairs with Miss Amy, the speech therapist, a line of children were making their way down the stairs.  One child came roaring around the corner so fast that had Miss Amy not been there to stop him, he would've knocked Gianluca down the stairs.  That just reinforces my idea that when he goes to preschool and kindergarden it better be on the first floor.  Those other kids just towered over Gianluca's small 34" frame.  Thank goodness it's just 25 minutes, twice a week.  Gianluca would love for it to be everyday.  He wakes up in the morning asking to go see Sue, the former speech therapist that came to our home for 2 years.  And he asks for Jill, the physical therapist that only comes now once a month.  Gianluca is so social he asks everyday to " go see Sue, Jill, Enzo, Ito, Chwa Chwa (Babcia-Grandma), and Dza Dza (Grandpa), ok?".  All with that beautiful, cute voice of his that still brings tears of joy and comfort.

March 21st, Sabine celebrated one month of age and Gianluca, after almost a year of struggling with doctors, finally had his g-tube removed.  I thought the day would never come.  He fussed a lot with the tube before it finally came out.  After it was gone, it fussed with the absence of the tube.  I didn't think he would be phased by it, but he was very sensitive in that area.  Even changing the gauze was a huge todo and took the 2-3 of us to hold him down.  He's small but mighty.  

We had a feeling of such relief when Gianluca's tube was removed.  We really felt like this kid is going to overcome anything and we are free and clear of tubes, wires and hospitals.  Then came April 3rd.  We had a trip planned for Chicago.  Since I was still on maternity leave we thought it would be a great time take a trip as a family. We wanted to take Gianluca to Legoland and the Shedd Aquarium.  A couple days prior Gianluca came down with what we thought was just a cough like I and Llazar had a couple weeks earlier. I kept denying the fact that he could get really sick and I kept telling Llazar, no, we don't need to go to the doctor.  That was me verbalizing what I knew wasn't true in hopes that it could be.  By April 3rd, the morning we were going to leave for Chicago, I was up at 7am.  I pumped a bottle for Sabine as she slept and Llazar slept.  Gianluca still not doing better and a fever still hanging around, it was time to get into urgent care.  I refused to go to emergency.  By 8am when urgent care opened there was already a 75 minute wait.  Thankfully it only took about 15-20 minutes and the nice gentleman who got called before us told us to take his spot because he saw how sick Gianluca looked.  

Well, a chest x-ray looked ok and no ear infection.  They hooked up the pulse ox to see his oxygen saturations. With readings in the 80's they encouraged us to go the Children's Hospital.  There they could test for a virus and give Gianluca faster assistance.  I called Llazar, he got Sabine ready and we all went together to Children's Hospital.  Gianluca fights anything that they doctors try to do.  A blood pressure will never be something they nurses and doctors will retrieve successfully.  However, some of the other pokes he relaxed to, which was a sign he wasn't feeling well.  His fighting turned tired which meant we needed to do something.  He slept as we waiting in the emergency room for pulmonary to come down to see him.  From 10am we waited.  By later in the afternoon, after a visit from his doctor of Pulmonary Hypertension and finally a doctor from Pulmonary.  It was the immediate decision to admit him and medicate.  Heartbreaking.  We went over 2 years without a hospital stay.  I went home to get an overnight bag for Llazar since I had to stay home to nurse Sabine.  By 9pm, they finally had a room for Gianluca.  A very long day.

When I returned in the morning, Gianluca was his normal energetic self that I remember.  He had a great nights, sleep. Llazar, not so much.  He spent the night holding oxygen to his face since Gianluca fought putting on the cannula.  They gave him antibiotics and tested for viruses.  He was doing so well, we took him home that afternoon.  So thankful it was just a one night stay.  A few days later we got a letter with results of his tests and he did get a virus.  One I had never heard of and one the nurses couldn't pronounce.  It I could find the paper I would post the name, but maybe another time.  My only thought, though, was school.  The only change in his life was that he was attended school.  It makes me worried that when he starts going more frequently that he will get sick again and again.  We are taking as many precautions as we can to prevent him from getting sick but I don't know that we can do enough.  For now, once again he is healthy and doing better than ever.  Even eating better, which is a blessing.

So the most recent news we have is that Gianluca will be going in for surgery on May 23rd.  A couple weeks ago we noticed some stains in his shirt where his tube was.  He was leaking from where his tube had been.  That means it never really closed up.  We thought it had because the pressure bandages were clean.  Well, apparently it didn't heal fully and has he plays harder it leaks more.  We had a surgical clinic visit last week and scheduled surgery to have it closed.  I think it could be an outpatient procedure but it depends how it goes.  The last time he had day surgery he was home without problems.  I hope the same this time.  We just want to make sure the until the 23rd we don't develop any infections and that he will continue to eat well.  Ugh, when will it stop.

On a good note, we had Sabine's 2 month doctor's visit.  He had her first round of vaccinations, which always makes me nervous.  She did very well after a loud spout of crying.  Her weight was 8lbs 6oz and 21.5 inches.  Good growth from her birth weight of 6lbs 3oz, and losing weight down to 5lbs 9oz.  She's nearly grown out of newborn clothing.  Only the onsies will fit now. She's too long for any of the newborn sleepers.  She even has those chubby thighs that Gianluca never really had.  Her hair is getting longer and her eyes are staying strong at blue.  We'll see if we have another blue-eyed child.  I'm thinking she could have curly hair like Llazar, which would be so much fun to play with.  I know, I know. She's not a doll. But, come one.  You know all those mommies who love to dress up their babies and do up their hair. I'm not the only one.  

Well, we missed our trip to Chicago so now we are heading to Minneapolis.  I know, not luxury and I'm hoping by the end of May it won't snow again.  I am heading there for a Yoga training and thought it would be great to show Llazar downtown Minneapolis and the weather should be beautiful for some outdoor exploring with the kids.  Gotta get away when we get the opportunity.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mama's out there.  Mine was pretty special because I have my two perfect babies and my perfect family.  We are discussing my dream kitchen that will hopefully come in a home this year.  Can't get any better than that...for now.

No more tube!

Enjoying a walk in he favorite place.

Big swing! 

Success

Amazingly, we finally had a "normal" pregnancy.  No one thought I could do it but we did.  We had our c-section scheduled for 9:30am February 21, 2013.  That brought me to 37 weeks.  I was a little surprised I made it that far without labor pains or any signs of contractions at all.  It all ran very smoothly.  My blood pressure stayed stable throughout the pregnancy except for a couple hiccups when I caught the flu.  Baby's growth was good and she showed signs of good health.  

Thursday, February 21st came and we were up at 6am, well I was up a bit earlier than that due to the excitement.  We were due to be in the hospital by 7:30am.  Mom came by 6am, we were preparing Gianluca's things and he just woke up as we were trying to leave.  That just made my anxious and late.  Oh well.  

In the hospital, things were calm.  So different from our first experience.  It was just watching the clock and waiting.  With Gianluca they prepped me in the room and wheeled me down in a bed.  This time I walked.  I'm guessing non-emergency means no need for a bed?  

When we reached the operating room, we had a view of the NICU.  I peaked to see if I recognized anyone just in case she needed to visit the NICU briefly after birth.  Of course we were praying we could skip that step this time around.  Inside the operating room it was a bit surreal.  Up on the table, while I waited for the anesthesiologist, I watched everyone prepping for surgery.  Emotions began to swell like it was deja vu.  I just made every attempt to think about anything else, but Gianluca's birth.  What didn't help was that the anesthesiologist couldn't get the needle in and ended up trying 4 times.  Between the pain of that and the swelling emotions I couldn't hold it in.  When I think back, it was embarrassing to have the nurses wiping my face and helping me blow my nose.  At the time, though, I was terrified for the worst.  After at least 15-20 minutes of discomfort I was finally able to lay down and go numb.  They don't let your husband in until everything is prepped so he was in the hallway while all this was going on.  

Another deja vu moment occurred once I was laid down and numb from the chest down.  The nausea began.  Last time, Llazar was there to hold the kidney shaped puke tray.  Well, still out in the hall, he missed it.  The supervising anesthesiologist got to hold the tray and clean me up.  Not a graceful moment for me.  Once cleaned up, Llazar finally arrived.  He has great timing.  

I really didn't expect to react like I did during this birth.  I was terribly emotional and worried.  Once we heard the tiny squeal of a cry we were getting excited.  The nurses were ready next to us, the bed in my full view to watch.  10:50am came and my little miracle finally arrived, 6lbs 3oz and 18 inches.  It was so exciting to see her and to hear her cry.  To experience the full birth and process after birth was amazing.  Llazar got right in there. He took pictures, started talking to her and had the biggest smile on his face.  She just cried and cried.  Very healthy set of lungs.  We watched as they cleaned her and weighed her.  Llazar's proud papa moment, he cut the umbilical cord.  This time around, he held her first.  The nurses took our first pictures together.  It was just an amazing moment.

In the recovery room I was able to start nursing immediately.  In fact, they send in a lactation specialist to get you started right away.  All a new experience for us.  She did great.  We watched as they evaluated her. Her temperature was a bit low but after a short time and wrapping her up she eventually warmed up.  I also had a low temp so they were wrapping me in thermal blankets and bubble wrap stuff.  

Eventually we made it back to the room and our little girl got to come with us.  Not far behind were my parents and Gianluca to come meet her.  Gianluca's reaction was a bit as I had expected.  Happy to see a baby at first, but quickly realized she was ours.  His reaction then was, "put it back".  Classic big brother commentary.  

Not much longer

I try to stay connected with other preemie moms.  A question came from another preemie mom wondering how others feel when they see their friends and family having a "normal" pregnancy.  It's an interesting question that comes up in the minds of every new mom that has only experienced a short pregnancy.  The general reaction is jealousy and resentment.  I admit I felt that, too. For quite some time.  I am not sure when it happened, but eventually through the grieving process you find acceptance.  That led me to the silver lining and blessing that only preemie moms get to experience.  We get a window into the miracle.  I was witness to the change that normally exists only within a woman.  

My son was only one pound at birth.  One was still fused, his ears still low and mostly fused, his skin was transparent and very delicate, and he had very little movement that would've translated to the flutters I felt with him.  We watched him develop his features as well start the movements that most mommies know as those kicks in third trimester.   He was always amazing to me, but when I look back I don't see a child struggling, I see a child surviving.  

Now, as Gianluca gets older, we get some criticism on his development.  Regardless of anything he is our child and is amazing.  We feel he has progress passed his age in intelligence.  He may be on the smaller size for height and weight but he is so strong.  The doctor said once we take him off the Sildenafil, heart meds, he would start to get tired and lack some of the energy he had.  He obviously does not know my Gianluca.  If anything he has more energy, it's so difficult to get him to sleep and he will play all day long with anyone willing to sit on the floor with him.  

With the perspective I had on my first pregnancy, I wasn't sure what to expect with my second.  I was excited to finally have the experience of a so-caled "normal" pregnancy.  I think we've done pretty well.  We have made it to 35 weeks, into that mysterious 3rd trimester I have heard so much about.  We are less than 2 weeks away from the birth of our little girl.  I have to say I give a lot of credit to the women out there that go to 40 weeks and beyond.  At 35 weeks, I am ready.  I know every woman is different but the few I have spoken to have the same reaction as me.  The tightness, soreness and feeling tired all the time.  The inevitable waddle that you try to avoid but sneaks it's way out when you walk the aisles of the grocery store.  I watched a woman carry her 4 year old child at 37 weeks pregnant and I just am amazed at what us women think we can handle.  Gianluca still wants to be carried but he's only 23 1/2 lbs.  It's definitely an amazing journey.

So I can now say I have had both pregnancies.  Both my babies have given me gifts that I will cherish.  Our little girl's most updated estimated weight is 5lbs 4oz.  It's official that I can put the preemie clothes up for sale.  She will be close to 7lbs at birth I think.  I still worry about the need for going into the NICU but I have faith that she will be very healthy and we will take her home right away.  

Sailing along

It is so difficult to find the time and energy to get online and write these days.  Gianluca keeps us so busy now.  It's a great feeling when I can say it's not because of doctors appointments. He's just such a busy kid.  He always wants to go for walks and go for rides to find fire trucks.  He's a typical toddler boy.

Some updates on his medical stuff, he has been taken off the Sildenifil, which was the heart med he was on for the hypertension.  They wanted to get him off to see how he does.  The doctor guaranteed us that he would lose energy.  That's a laugh.  Same energy if not more energy.  Gianluca doesn't like to nap, he's up until 10-11pm and up by 9am.  Sometimes when he's just with Daddy he's sleeps in until 10am.  Can't imagine where he gets his bad habits from.  Baby and Daddy are more and more alike each day. Even though we are off the meds, they do anticipate needing to go in to repair the ASD in his heart.  It has come up that there will be the need to go in the old fashion way with open heart surgery because he's too small for other procedures.  We will wait until we have confirmation on that.

Speaking of size, Gianluca has finally reached about 23lbs.  He's growing so big and tall.  He is still in 18 month clothing which seems small but to us he's getting so big.  I watch him on his toys and it's amazing how he fits better in his toddler toys now.  He loves going around on his bike and his car.  He goes monkey crazy on his trampoline now. I am waiting for the day he spins right around the handle bar.  

From all the fun comes his genius.  We were told that with preemies they tend to be behind. In his size he is small for his age.  However, his intelligence is not in question.  We are so proud to hear him count to 10 and almost 20 now.  He sings his ABC's.  We can show him numbers, colors, shapes and letters and he gets all of them.  He points out animals that I can't believe he knows what they are.  He said insect the other day and it just shocked me that he knew that word.  He has such a great memory.  We are working with Birth to 3 now to see if he will qualify for speech within the school district.  I actually think he may now.  He speaks so clearly and according to our current speech therapist he is at appropriate age for his sounds and words.  I guess we will see.  We are working to get him closer to a 3k program by fall because I think he is ready.  During the fall we testing him in a toddler/parent gymnastics class to see his social skills and he did great.  He still loves the girls over the boys.  Probably a good thing he is having a little sister.

I am constantly asked about my pregnancy this time around, for good reason.  Everyone I come in contact with that we knew from Gianluca's pregnancy is so surprised.  I know my family was very worried as to how this pregnancy would go.  Well, it's been going great.  We are now 32 weeks along and our daughter is measuring 4lbs already.  Quite the difference from Gianluca.  I can never compare my two babies but I am thrilled to have experienced the best of both worlds.  I haven't had to visit the Perinatal doctors as much this round.  We finally saw the Perinatal doctor that gave us the news I was being admitted for Gianluca's birth.  He was such a wonderful doctor and very compassionate so when we saw his last week he was so excited to see us so far along.  We talked about the experience of having a "normal pregnancy and I constantly come back to the idea that I will never see Gianluca's pregnancy and birth as anything but that.  It may not be a norm for the average mother, but I was blessed with is pregnancy.  I was able to witness him transform outside the womb.  From his fused ear, closed eyes and fragile skin, it all changed in front of my eyes and I will never forget that.  He blessed me with the experience of seeing the miracle of life.  Only mothers of preemies get to experience such a phenomenon.  That experience made me the mother that I am.

With our daughter we are getting to experience the other pregnancy.  The pregnancy that average women experience.  I felt like I was robbed of a pregnancy with Gianluca and now I get to say I have had both.  Our daughter is giving me the gift of feeling her and bonding closely within.  It's amazing.  I gotta say, though, I don't think I can do this again. The reflux is not the best gift and the beating on my hips aren't always a great feeling.  However, she is telling me that's she's there and thats a comfort I would never trade for anything else.  

Well, I can't say this has been a flawless pregnancy.  My protein levels are back in the risky state so I need to watch for blood clotting.  Not sure how I am supposed to do that but I try to elevate my feet and stay moving as much as possible.  My blood pressure has been very good and I actually think better than with Gianluca.  I can thank Gianluca's joy for that. His happiness keeps me smiling.  We did have one scare just before the new year.  I started to fill sick and began to monitor my blood pressure at home.  Once I got 145/100 I called the doctor and they had me come in to be checked out.  Unfortunately with the holiday no one was in the clinic that day so I ended up seeing my OB in the birthing center.  After a little monitoring they decided to keep me overnight for rest and just to see all was ok.  Everything really was stemming from the start of that nasty flu that was getting passed along. And sure enough when they sent me home the next day the flu really kicked in.  It was miserable and a little like deja vu.  With Gianluca I got a nasty flu as well and that was during the swine flu scare. Following that I got bronchitis. I am not one to get so ill but these pregnancies really leave me weakened so I am finding. 

I can say for sure that these two will keep Llazar and myself running in circles.  Our hopes if that Gianluca embrraces being a big brother.  He does pretty well with me being pregnant but he doesn't understand yet what is coming.  Sundays I spend the majority of the day on the couch because by then my body is exhausted.  He loves to sit and read with me so we find a lot to do on those down days.  We are nearly ready for a little girl.  We would've loved to have Gianluca potty trained by the time she comes but that won't happen.  It's ok, though.  All in his own time.  Now all we need to do is hold out until February 21st.  C-section is scheduled for 37 weeks and I feel like the next 5 weeks will move faster than I can expect.  

One thing I know from both my babies, they have given me such wonderful gifts that I will cherish forever. Just now as I am typing I laugh to look down and see my belly giggle from side to side.  So crazy.  I try to explain it to Llazar since he seems to always miss it and I don't think he will ever get it. For all the terrible reflux I get the giggles and kicks make me laugh so I can't regret anything.

Oh, and no, we are still undecided on names. Girls are harder than boys, so we are finding.