A mother's courage

There hasn't been anything crazy exciting happening this last week.  My husband returned form his trip and I think Baby GL really missed his father.  Baby GL ha really taken to talking on Skype with family. He is so entertained by the computer.  We put his Baby Signing Time video in the computer for him to watch from his chair.  My parents get such a kick out of watching his reactions.  My father has actually given him a nickname.  He calls Baby GL "Goober".  I guess it's a kind of peanut.  Who knows.  The funny thing is that Baby GL actually responds to "Goober"  and just shows a huge smile when my father talks to him.  I'm still not sure how to feel about that.  I am excited to see my parents take such a huge role in his life.  My mother is actually picking up the sign language and attempting to teach my nephew some signing.  

So I discovered that once you find yourself having a child born to the NICU doors open to other families going through very similar situations.  I came across a mother who just recently lost her son to a year long battle with the same issues Baby GL had.  The same only in the sense that both her son and Baby GL were born with Intrauterine Growth Restriction.  The doctors begin to talk to you about chances of life and disabilities that could occur as early as birth.  So far, Baby GL has been successful is beating many major issues thus far.  My heart goes out to the many families that have to endure the heartbreak of losing a child.  This mother wrote so honestly and with so much courage and so I want to share a piece of her latest entry.

"There is a strange part of me that feels like the last year was just one big nightmare that I finally woke up from. I sometimes feel like none of it really happened and that I am still 20 weeks pregnant looking forward to the future of my second baby. Unfortunately, when I look down I am not pregnant, when I look up I see my son's picture on the mantle with his ashes and I have to accept that it was our reality. Every day since he was born, to cope with him being away from me in the hospital, I have always brought him with us. I carry him in my arms while he is nursing, I pick his car seat up and put him in the car, I place him in the bathtub next to Viola, I put him in the grocery cart next to Viola and tell them to stop picking on each other, I lay him down beside me every night and wake up with him every morning.....Every single day I have lived in this alternative reality, even more so now that he is gone. I am sure I will be grieving the rest of my life, but I also remind myself that I have so much to still live for, to be grateful for, and although I will never be the same, like I taught Viola a while ago when she used to fall down, I am ready to "take a deep breath, pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again".............." -Donna Mossholder, Mi-cro called life